I’ve begun to suspect over the last several months that I’ve lost my need for perfectionism. Chris laughed when we had a personality/working style test done at work and I scored not on the perfectionist track, but on one more intertwined with people. “But you are such a perfectionist!” He chided me. But I wonder, am I really anymore? I think I used to be. I thought having top grades and getting 100%s on everything was absolutely necessary to human existence. Things like that drove me. Sometimes even drove me to illness.
But I really do think that has fundamentally changed to the point that I am more concerned about getting it done than being perfect. I realized this the other day as I was quickly glossing over the bathroom trying to just get it done before I could rush on to the next task on my to do list. I wasn’t sitting there scrubbing over every inch of it – I was just doing and done and moving on.
I also think this is a side effect of being at max capacity all the time. You get to the point where the only goal is to get things done. Not to do them perfectly, or unfortunately even always well – but just DONE. Because if I tried to do everything perfectly, I would explode. It just literally isn’t possible. Perhaps a lack of patience contributes as well. I couldn’t help but think how much better Chris cleans the kitchen when he does it or about one of my best friends at work and how methodically she completes tasks and does them with as surefire perfection as is possible. (Yes, she did get perfectionist on the personality test.) Where I just do the best I can given the limited time and move on to the next task. It’s been a shift in my personality purely by design and lack of any other choice.
Striving for perfection is exhausting and it bogs you down in so many countless ways. I see it at work. In friendships. In expectations.
And do I miss it sometimes? Sure. There are definitely days when I wish my house was spotless and perfect. Days when I pin the most awesome organizational ideas on Pinterest, knowing that I just don’t have the time to utilize them right now. Days when I wish I could be everywhere at once. Do it all. Have it all. But no one and nothing is perfect. You just work with what you’ve got. Do the job. And move on. With my life so closely precariously at the tipping point, I just don’t have the time or energy for perfection. Not anymore. Letting it go and doing the best I can is the only way to survive the part of life that I’m in right now.
Now if I could only remind myself of the same thing when it comes to my health…
Yes – it’s a two quote blog today. And you know what IS perfect? This song.